In 1998, I was faced with an unplanned pregnancy. I was young and afraid. The father of this baby wanted no part of it and my mom was adamant that this baby would ruin my life. So, without any support, and my own fears, abortion seemed like my only choice. Early one morning, my mom took me to an abortion clinic. I have blocked out so much of that day…but I do remember walking into a very somber place where other girls were waiting for their names to be called with their heads down. When they called my name, I was taken to the back into a cold and dark room. They did an ultrasound, which I was not allowed to see. Next thing I remember is hearing the vacuum sound. The sound of my baby being sucked out of me. That is a sound I will never ever forget. Afterwards, I was put in a recovery room with other girls who had just gone through the same thing.

The days, weeks, months and years to follow were met with severe depression, lots of anger, drugs, alcohol, promiscuity and just overall living a destructive life. Some may have seen this life as a normal young 20 something, but I was crumbling inside.

Less than a year later I was pregnant again. This time there was no chance I would have another abortion. I was one of the fortunate women who went on to have 2 more children. This is not the case for some who are never able to conceive again because of the trauma abortion does to our bodies.

Fast forward to 2013 when God saved me from my own self-destructive lifestyle. He spoke to me and I listened. He told me to follow Him and I have. This is when I really started to see God move in my life. I started going to church and in doing so I was introduced to Hand ‘n Hand. I fell in love with all they do and how they help girls and women who were just like me, faced with an unplanned pregnancy, scared and alone. It was here that I was introduced to a program to help women heal from a past abortion. I met with an amazing woman of God and did a study called “Surrendering the Secret”. This next 8 weeks were very difficult but changed my life. I learned that God does forgive the sin of abortion and that my sweet baby has worth and value. My baby is in the Almighty Arms of our Loving Savior. I will get to meet my baby one day. This indescribable truth has given me such peace.

Abortion hurts so incredibly bad! It is not the answer to an unplanned pregnancy.  It is not a liberating or a quick answer. It may seem like it at the time.  I know right now you are in  panic mode and cannot think clearly. I pray you will talk to others that have been in your shoes and how much they truly wish they could go back and change their minds. Abortion is forever, and no matter how much you deeply long to change what you have done, you cannot!