I cry silently

For no one is to know

That the aborted one

Was ever conceived

The Unbearable Loss

In the short time your life existed, there was a bond between mother and child. The pain of what happened blossomed into sorrow and grief and is on-going. Never having tasted parenthood doesn’t matter, I can imagine. And I often do. I picture you with dirty blond hair with eyes as blue as the summer sky. You have a smile that shines through my soul reaching my heart and it bursts with pride knowing you’re mine. I envision your laughter like the angels in Heaven and it’s music to my ears. 

I named you Greg. You’re a child that will never be forgotten. In my ignorance I stole your life from you. But who was I to decide your fate?

I have cried out to God, “Oh Lord! What have I done!? I’ve murdered my son!”  I lay weeping bitterly on the cold table, all alone, while the nurse nonchalantly told me that it’s going to be OK. I screamed silently in agony over my loss, realizing that the ten week old life within me was torn from my womb and discarded as trash. How on earth do these people do this for a living and go unaffected? No one told me that it would be so emotionally painful, that my heart would tear in two. I was told that you were an “inconvenience” and had to be kept a secret and abortion was the only way. Who invented this method to begin with? Oh Lord! The lies I’ve believed!

It has since been many years since you were killed by my own free will. By God’s wonderful mercy, He has forgiven me and washed me clean of this dark deed. Although I have been given a “second” chance, there will forever be a scar etched upon my heart that I will carry with me until the day Jesus calls me home, and I’ll get to meet you for the first time. I long to see your face, and to tell you that I’m sorry. I love you son,

Forever and Eternity,

Love,

Mommy